


It’s becoming gray, everywhere that I go (I’m just tryin’ to get it over with)

by Atheend (emda)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: LUHAN FOCUS, M/M, Past LuChen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 20:39:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10421298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emda/pseuds/Atheend
Summary: Luhan goes to Korea to close two chapter of his life. One he does it successfully & the other not.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [kpopolymfics2017](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/kpopolymfics2017) collection. 



> In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the kpopolymfics2017 collection.  
> This fic was written for K-Pop Olymfics 2017. Olymfics is a challenge in which participants write fics based on prompt sets and compete against other teams of writers, organized by genre.
> 
> This is Team Future’s fic for the following prompt set:  
>  **Baek Jiyoung – "There's No Cure"**  
> [lyrics](https://popgasa.com/2016/02/02/baek-ji-young-feat-verbal-jint-medicine-%EC%95%BD%EB%8F%84-%EC%97%86%EB%8C%80%EC%9A%94/) | [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji4jJNyAGQM) | [supplementary](https://www.flickr.com/photos/51204939@N06/14082472149/) [prompts](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/olymficsmod/37777224/1892/1892_900.jpg)
> 
> The other 2 fics for this prompt can be found in [the collection](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/kpopolymfics2017). Competition winners are chosen by the readers, so please rate this fic using [this survey!](https://drive.google.com/open?id=1I3dM33QPuGctTC46KPDFV_vB7d7bhFZS8HQitRY8LFs).

Luhan adjusts his scarf to cover his mouth and nose. Seoul looked like someone painted it in gray hues, it was cold and had a lot of snow for being Seoul. The snow felt lightly around him as he stands in front of the SM Entertainment building for what he hope to be one of the last time’ if not exactly the last time. He had fond memories’ and some that were anything but fond, but he wasn't here to reminiscent. He came with two goals in mind and one was more important than the other. 

He sends a message to his manager from the company and waited to be allowed in. Thankfully there were no fans waiting outside so he was pretty much alone, waiting. Luhan waited for five minutes approximately when he saw Minjun hyung opening the glass door and wave him to come inside. 

“Did you wait in the cold for a long time?” Luhan shakes his head and received a pad on his shoulder. 

They passed a lot of the brightly lit hallways before reaching the elevators that lead to the administration floor. It’s been a long time since Luhan was on this floor but he still remembers the first time he walks this corridor. It felt sort of fitting to walk them just a few months before his contract finally ends and the ties with the company with it. 

Luhan was grateful for all the exposure he got thanks to being a part of one of the most successful groups in the company but he soon found out he couldn’t cope with the pace and the extreme exposure. Luhan just wanted to make good music, music he was proud of and music that people would enjoy. 

Minjun hyung guides him to a chair, he sat down and waited. 

Absentmindedly, Luhan reaches into his backpack pocket and just held his old, broken watch. The physical reminder of his broken relationship with the most important ex-bandmate and the reason he was inside the SM Entertainment building. 

Sooner than later Luhan got called and he hoped the meeting go smoothly and quickly so he could go and search for the elusive Kim Jongdae.

\----------------------------- 

‘Seriously, where the heck Jongdae is?’ Luhan thought while searching for his ex-bandmate. He couldn’t leave the building before talking to Jongdae. He was glad that he was parting amicably, or as amicably you could part with a company you had legal battles with, from the company but he pretty much he made the entire trip from China to South Korea to talk to Jongdae in person. Luhan was tired of leaving voice messages that went unanswered and text message that went ignored.

Luhan was just a floor, or maybe two, away from the practice rooms before he saw two of his ex-bandmate. Thankfully it was Minseok and Yixing who he still has a good relationship. He could still say that they were his friends.

“Yixing-ah, Minseok-ah.” his friends turn their heads and Luhan was glad to see surprise followed quickly by delight in his friend's faces. 

“Luhan”

“Lu-ge” Luhan jog to them and smile at them.

“What are you doing here?” Minseok asks as Yixing pulls him into a hug.

“I had one of the last meetings with management.”

“How it went?” Luhan smiled at Yixing

“Surprisingly good and well… since my contract is ending soon there is barely anything to argue about. How are you guys?”

“Pretty good and busy, like always.” 

“Hey, have you guys seen Jongdae? I want to talk to him before I go.” Luhan sees them sharing a look before pulling him inside of a room.

“He is not here. He can’t be here.” Minseok said

“Why?” 

“He is still doing his mandatory military service.” Luhan looked at his friends in shock. He almost wanted to hit himself for forgetting about it.

“When he enlisted?”

“Summer last year. Jongdae, Baekhyun and Chanyeol enlisted at the same time.” Yixing explained.

“So that’s why my calls and messages were being ignored,” Luhan whispers.  
“Well… not exactly.” Minseok said apologetically

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, first I feel bad about saying this. I already fought countless of times with Jongdae about it. I think he should be the one to tell you this but he is doing his duty and you usually come to Korea when we aren't here and management is very careful with our Chinese schedules. Anyways, I’ve been entrusted with Jongdae’s phone as soon as he went to his military service and him ignoring you is not because he has no phone, well now it is but before it wasn't.” Luhan could see that Minseok was rambling. He still remembers some of his ex-bandmate body languages when he has to say something he doesn't want to say. 

“Minseok-ah spit it out.”

Minseok stared at Luhan, his big cat eyes held a mix of sadness, sympathy, and guilt. “Jongdae thought that by ignoring you; you would get the message.”

“What message?”

“To move on.” Those three words hit Luhan like a slap on his face. He put his hands inside his pants pockets. 

“Jongdae move on. He is happy and he would like to be your friend but as long as you keep having feelings for him, keep being stuck in the past he doesn't think he being around you will do you any good.” Minseok explains

Luhan didn’t know what to do. All of his efforts to just fix things, whether it would end on being back together or him feeling like he had closer and hearing that Jongdae decided on his own, sealed his fate without even asking. 

“Minseok hyung, could I get some alone time with Lu-ge?” Yixing asked and Luhan suddenly felt bad for forgetting his friend while he and Minseok talked about Jongdae.

Luhan didn’t hear Minseok leaving the room but felt Yixing’s hand guiding him to sit down on the only sofa in the room. 

“You are angry.” 

“That’s one of many things I feel right now.” 

“If is any consolation I did tell Jongdae that his choice wasn't the best one. He said that he knows you and it would be the best for both of you.” 

Luhan signs and reaches into his backpack pocket.

“You still are holding onto it?” Yixing asked, Luhan nod.

On Luhan’s left hand lay a broken wrist watch. The glass was crack and the wristband was wrinkling and flaking, a sign of wear and the bad quality of it. Luhan close his hand until he felt the watch pushing against his skin. 

“Lu-ge calm down, you are shaking so much..” Yixing put his hand on Luhan’s shoulder.

Luhan pulled his outside coat and stand up to put it on. Yixing looked at him weirdly. 

“I just feel so cold. I’ll be going. See you around Yixing. Say hello to the kids even to the ones that don’t want to hear about me.” Yixing sigh

“Is not that he doesn't want to hear about you. Lu-ge I know I shouldn't say it but please try to understand him.” Luhan was just a few steps away from the door when he turns to face his friend.

“And who tries to understand me, Yixing? Who? You know, I saw some of the furtive looks between you and Minseok. I know they are together. After all these years, I monitor all of EXO’s performance and show appearances. I know how Jongdae is when he is in love, I know his body language. I know. And I still came to try to get my closure. I hope, foolishly hope, that Jongdae would listen to me and let me have my time to close the book and move on but I can’t. Not like this, the same way my friendship with some of the members is stuck. But I’m still the one who has to understand.” Luhan bit the inside of his cheek to desperately hold back his tears. 

“I get it Lu-ge.” Luhan shook his head.

“If you did you wouldn't ask me to understand.” Luhan felt bad at the look of shock and hurt in Yixing’s face. “I’m not mad at you. I’m not mad at Minseok. I’m not even mad at Jongdae. I’m disappointed.”

“That feels even worse.” 

“Welcome to the club. Look Yixing, it’s okay. No one needs to feel bad. I’ll just go, at least my contract is ending soon.” Luhan tightly smiled at his friend.

“But Luhan, you feel bad.”

“I’ve been feeling bad since it ended and no one said anything. It clearly won’t change now so let’s forget about it. I’ll look forward to seeing you in a couple of awards shows in China.”

Luhan turns around and left the practice room and the company behind. 

\---------------------------- 

Luhan stops after nearly running out of the building. His memories were a bit hazy but he was glad to know he at least said his goodbye to the people that work with him in his meager Korean activities. They weren't at fault that he and the company had such a bad relationship. And he is always thankful to the staff, new and old, Korean or Chinese, he is not naive to think he could do as well as he does without their work. That was the small mercy life let Luhan have after such a crushing situation. 

Luhan wraps his scarf firmly around his neck and covers his mouth and nose but he soon found out how little his scarf, even his whole attire, covered him from the cold. Slowly it down on him, this already well-known chill numbness. 

The hope behind every message he sent, the fool's hope that even if the chat showed that the messages aren't being read, he hope that his messages were read through the notifications. That meager, pathetic hope kept the coldness at bay. That hope gave him some warmth but now it's completely sniffed out. 

Now Luhan had nothing to hope for thanks to the decision Jongdae rob him. Now he had to deal with feeling numb and cold without any remedy in sight. No option to mend the relationship and no option to move on with his life. Luhan was sentenced to being stuck in the bitter cold inside his heart. 

Luhan dried the few tears that slip from the corner of his eyes with his scarf and stared at the gray, empty and cold Seoul. He chuckled and shook his head. He took a deep breath of the rigid Seoul air before loosening his scarf. 

Luhan let his heart froze and welcome the numbness that he was already familiar with it. 

‘Better embrace it rather than fight something without a cure.’ Luhan thought.

Luhan looked around before he started walking away from his only ray of sunshine and into the eternal winter in his heart.


End file.
